I often have parents tell me: "My child doesn’t listen to what I say and I’m exhausted from all the daily power struggles to get her to comply with my requests. What should I do?"

Some parents seem to have a hard time setting limits for their children and following through with actions for non-compliance. Children have a way of making parents feel that they are the meanest folks in town. In many instances the child ends up calling the shots while the parents worry about being too hard on her. Believe it or not, although the child may balk at parental rules, she indeed expects them, looks for them and needs them.

Decide on what your behavioural expectations are; explain them clearly to your child outlining the consequences for non-compliance. The secret then is consistency and follow-through. Start an early age to establish your message.

Another question I frequently hear is: "I’m afraid if I set rules, my child won’t like me and I want to be his friend. Should I worry about this?"

Sometimes parents focus too much on trying to be their child’s friend. We must remember that children are just children, not adults, nor our peers. As children, they require clear and consistent behavioural guidelines. Even though they may protest, they clearly want and need direction and some consistent routines. This gives them a sense of security. All children test limits. That’s just what they do. It’s not personal. Children will accept your rules and behavioural limitations if you discipline with lots of hugs and humour. You are the parent first, and have a responsibility to set limits. In the long run, they will love and respect you more when they see you care enough about them to set limits for their own good. You just won’t see it at the moment!

By Barbara Ashcroft B.A.M.ED
Journey to Joy for Parents